So I had to do bloodwork today. I thought it was fasting. So of course, it was not. And I fasted for naught. Which is no big deal, but I also did not eat enough yesterday at ALL by accident. I got busy doing stuff and never felt hungry. The end result was I only got in just over 450 calories for the day. Which is not at all ideal and something I try to avoid. And I was concerned about fasting because I sometimes get a low from a calorie deficit with Metformin. But I also knew my anxiety would raise my blood glucose so I was probably going to be just fine for a few hours into the day even with no food at all.
Since The Man has to cart my ass there, I wanted to get there early to get it done with as little disruption to his day as possible, they open at 7 so the plan was to get there soon after. I woke up at 4:30, and didn't really fall deeply asleep again. So I got up as planned at 5 and got ready for the day. Trying to use my mindful breathing as the panicky feelings about going to the doctor's office would bubble up. Trying to not bite The Man's head off everything he spoke to me. Trying to think calming thoughts and focus on it being over soon. I'm not scared of needles or blood at all, it's just being there that I don't like. Because I know they have to touch me. And I know it's the doctor's office. And so...panic.
But I was powering through. We got there. The lab wasn't open yet, but I had knitting. So it was good. I sat down and got the knitting. The lab opened. They called me in. I babbled about my shitty, shitty veins and apologized. They looked over my chart and saw I only needed thyroid and liver panel today, so I totally could have eaten some breakfast. DUDE. Dammit. Whatevs. Once again, I don't know what magic this place has but they got the first vein in one stick again like a motherfucking boss. WOOT.
Then they handed me a cup and pointed me to the bathroom for a urine sample. Now, for the people who have spent more than 15 minutes in my presence you already know this, I can pee. I usually always have to pee. I pee all the goddamn time. When I gotta pee, it's all my mind can focus on and can't unfocus it until I just go. I have a walnut sized bladder, I swear. I had consumed extra extra water yesterday to try and plump up my veins for the draw. I drank a full glass this morning with my morning meds. I walked into that bathroom and everything just went to hell.
First of all, the towelette they gave me to use first had coconut acid as the second ingredient. FUCK. I am allergic to that. But rules is rules. I used it, hoping that somehow I would not be dosing the hoo-ha with too much coconut. And then....nothing. Really nothing. I couldn't go. I thought calm thoughts. I did diaphragmatic breathing. I thought of waterfalls, rivers, drips, and still nothing. I ran warm water over my hands in the sink. In the end I managed about a teaspoon. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Well, shit...what do I do now? I can't go back into the lab, I can't just leave. I shamefully walked to the checkout area and tried to hide my container from view and just said "I can't pee." She said I could drink water and wait. I said "No, I mean I can't pee here. I just...I can't." She sent me back to the lab where I had to explain myself and my performance anxiety, and my lack of usable sample. So they gave me a to-go bag and instructions for when to bring it back in to them. So awkward, but not nearly as much as the time I had to collect...umm...other samples. While living in a dorm and sharing a bathroom with many, many women. And then when I took it to the hospital to drop off the lab tech knew me from classes. So it was "Oh hi, how are you, you're in my such and such class, aren't you? yadda yadda yadda...." And then there is me "Ummm, so here is my poop, ok thanks bye." There should really be an unspoken rule about lab workers, they should just pretend they don't know you. No matter how well they might actually know you, you should get to pretend that you're anonymous at that moment of handing over the paper bag with your name on it.
So now I am home, pretty much chilled out for the next several hours thanks clonazepam being my co-pilot, already showered again to try and negate any residual coconut acid poisoning and of course, now I have to pee like every 45 minutes from all the damn water I have consumed.